Somewhere in between
by Darksquall
Summary: Language and content. Shounen-ai alash that has a touch of angst at the end. Songfic/request. Squall has been dreaming of a former love, and is left caught somewhere inbetween this love and the new one.


Disclaimer. They aren't mine. And this song isn't either… 

The characters belong to the greatness that is Square and the song is Lifehouse's. 

For Instructor Quistis, for introducing me to an absolutely amazing song. 

3 POVs, it switches between two of them then goes to the third for the last bit. Feels like it's set in the timeline of the longest road. Make your own conclusions, and take from it what you need. Thanks

Somewhere In Between 

I see him, standing in the doorway to the quad. A smudge, stood against the pale yellow light of the late sunshine.

He hasn't heard me here, not turning to face me at all. Why is he here? Would no peace come to this dark lion, whom I love so much? I want him to look at me with those silver and grey eyes, to let me bask in the cold embrace of his gaze. But I'm not there in his heart right now. I know it. He's dreaming of another blonde. The one he scarred and not the one scarred by ink and a daring line from a time he could no longer remember.

Today, his heart is with Seifer Almasy.

And not with Zell Dincht.

_I can't be losing sleep over this, no I can't  
And now I cannot stop pacing  
  
_

I don't know what bought about this sudden curiosity. We haven't seen Seifer for six months…, but still sometimes, Squall gets this faraway look in his eyes, when he's wondering what that dreamer is up to.

It makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. 

He knows this, but he can't stop. 

And it hurts me more than I can tell him.

********

_Give me a few hours, I'll have this all sorted out  
If my mind would just stop racing_

It's like I can feel Seifer here. Wherever he is I know he is in trouble. As silly and unbelievable as it sounds, I feel it in my bones. We've always been…. The best of enemies. Once we loved each other but lost ourselves with our childhood and memories. 

It almost feels as though he is calling to me now… but I don't care for him anymore. I would like to be able to call him friend, but we cannot be more than that.

The skittering noise of gravel on the stone path alerts me to _his_ presence again. Zell thinks that I am not aware of this small intrusion of his, but he is wrong. Like I was linked with Seifer, I am linked with him. 

Or perhaps even more so, for Squall Leonhart loves Zell Dincht more than he can say.

And this puts me ill at ease. I have loved few people in my life, always trying not to get to close because it hurt too much. 

_Cause I cannot stand still, I can't be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening_

And no matter what I did to try and keep him back away from me, Zell got me to react to him in ways that I only found myself behaving towards Seifer. Not even sorceress Rinoa got to me in the way one small blonde, tattooed ball of energy did. 

I turn and face Zell, feeling the corners of my mouth pull up into a smile automatically. Another effect this blonde is having on me. He knocks me for six every time I look at him. He's never still or silent, never showing just how vulnerable he is. But I see into him now, and in him I see my soul mate. Zell Dincht is…. He's….  

I don't know how to describe him. I know how people look at him and see just a slightly childish, energetic teenager that has a short fuse. I used to do that myself. But now? 

Zell is this amazing creature that no one but myself truly knows. He is electricity and fire, completely uncontrollable and almost untouchable. But with this, he is almost completely emotion. Even when he sits back with a stick of charcoal in one hand to sketch something, his face is full of movement and feeling. 

(His latest focus is a set of pictures of us. I don't think anyone could catch Selphie any better than the sketch he offered her yesterday. One of her jumping for joy at the sight of the festival stage. It looked like she was going to step right off the paper. She cried when he gave it her. Now that's something none of us expected. The ones he has of me are like looking into a mirror. And how he got the one of us dancing together I'll never know.)

Zell is beyond all mortal comprehension apart from my own it seems. I guess you have to get as close as I do to appreciate him.

Seifer still plays upon my mind though.

_This is over my head, but underneath my feet  
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat_

********

He's smiling at me. That's normally a good sign. He holds out an arm to beckon me. I walk to him, entangling my fingers with his.

He's not wearing his gloves. Strange.

"What's wrong?" I ask softly, dreading the reply. He shakes his head and doesn't speak. "Him?" My voice is trembling. 

The smile fades and he nods a little.

And my heart sinks.

_And everything will be back to the way that it was  
I wish that it was just that easy_

Why is it, even though I haven't seen Seifer in so long, I still find my life being fucked up by him?

The smile returns as he traces one finger down over my chest, following the line of muscle with his fingertip as he gazes into my eyes. The finger moves up, playfully teasing my lips and moving over my tattoo. 

"What is it?" 

_And everything will be back to the way that it was  
I wish that it was just that easy_

He shakes his head, before placing his lips against mine for the briefest and most teasing of kisses. "Squall?" I enquire. He straightens at the mention of his name, his eyes close and he sighs. 

********

They way he says my name is enough to make me fall in love with him all over again. Raine must have chosen my name for the way Zell would say it. 

I sound like a teenager when I say that to myself…. But I am a teenager and I don't give a fuck anymore. I think I can afford to act childishly once in a while. I look at him again.

_Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow  
And I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream _

_What is real and just a dream_

_What is real and just a dream_

There's the faintest sign of fear in his eyes as he looks up at me. I'm scaring him with this silence. I try and clear Seifer from my mind. Or at least push his influence out for a little while. I think Zell knows that I haven't slept well for the past few days, too caught up in my Commander duties and my qualms about the former knight. 

"Are you coming to bed?" He asks. It's almost ten, but still warm and light out here. If I sleep, will I dream of Seifer again? Dream those same dreams that saw him lying broken in Balamb, on the verge of suicide? Those dreams that have haunted me for days?

I glance back out at the horizon, Balamb town nestling on the shore, and the vastness of the sea beyond it. 

_Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in  
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again_

********

Squall makes a gesture that means soon. I can read the meaning behind even the slightest of his gestures and movements now and I know him as well as he knows me. The first fingers of twilight are beginning to envelope the landscape. I should leave him here, go back up to _our_ room, so he has a warm bed to come back to but….

_I don't want to run away from this  
I know that I just don't need this_

I can't. I'm completely enchanted by the image of him there, the first shadows creeping across his brow and covering his eyes. 

He looks predatorial, with just the curve of his lips and the long strands of his hair visible from these shadows and I'm frozen in my place. 

As he kisses me again the pulls away, I release a breath that I did not know I was holding in. I melt into his arms and the subtlest of laughs sounds from his throat. I have this urge to be carried up to our room by him and taken with out mercy. I think he realises this.

He gathers me in his arms, which is easy for him, and begins to walk towards the main lift. 

********

_Cause I cannot stand still, I can't be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening  
Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Then waiting for tomorrow_

It is pure rapture, to have Zell in my arms, his head nuzzling against my neck and teasing me with kisses and caresses. 

My thoughts of Seifer are fleeting now, my mind filled with the pure love that is Zell Dincht.

As we enter our room, I carry him to the bed, lying him down before moving atop him to allow our lips to meet once again. This is _real_. And I have forgotten my dreams.

********

The gates are closed to me, the one who had once been a student. 

I had thought perhaps that the dreams of Balamb's lion were a sign that he still harboured some feelings for me, but I saw them together in the quad as I moved back down the road. My Squall and the chickenwuss.

So it looks like I'm going to be lost to the world for a little while longer. 

I glance back, and wonder what they're doing, and if they ever think about me.

I am a man caught somewhere between his dreams and reality, because he couldn't distinguish the two when a sorceress embraced him. 

That's my punishment. That is the price that I paid. 

_And I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream   
What is real or just a dream_

_What is real or just a dream_

_ What is real or just a dream_

Darksquall's Notes. 

Dedicated to Instructor Quistis for her inspiration.

Well, not too much to say. Written whilst on a training week, typed up today and posted for your enjoyment.

Please leave a review. 

Yours, as always

NJWilcox

Darksquall.


End file.
